Dreams...

this may sound crazy or totally not get to your head. heck, i dont get it either. but there's just this thought. i wish i could play the guitar, and write songs and just sing to myself whenever I'm down. but i guess im not that kinda girl. imagine, staring out that window, to the green, you just sit there, thinking about everything in life and how you end up being yourself, somehow u might be grateful, sometimes not. but then, u just start to play and u'll begin to feel better. and its doesnt matter how sucky ur voice would be. u just do it, u know? i wish i could draw, i mean i could but just for fun. i never never thought of taking another step further. i wish i could just dance and dance and dance my whole life. but it isnt gonna happen. but im glad i had to experience it. man, dancing is just amazing. i guess thats when i really am happy. i cant really describe the feeling, but it does feel good whenever u're on stage. those ppl who perform must know what i mean. although u did a mistake, u still feel good and proud of urself. guess my parents couldnt c any of my performances. not one of them since i could dance. u know, how u see other kids' parents are there, taking pictures and pictures of their kid, and im left standing there, alone. i felt sad at one moment. i even did my own make up and i was what, so young at that time, i guess i must've been like 10 or 11. i remember there's this year where i put on my own make up and my friend's mom said she liked how i had put my make up on, the next year, my mom came and help me put it on, but didnt come to c me dance, like every year. anyway, my frenz mom was like "oh, i like ur make up last year" and i was like, i could do it on my own and it looked better. there was this one time, where my friendz teased me, OMG, this was during my primary school but i didnt know why i cared. anyway, they were talking about what colour they would put on their eyes for the dance, and i was just there, sitting, minding my own business and one of them asked me, i didnt have a chance to answer and they said "Nur'i only wears blue coz she doesnt have any other colour. same as everyear". well, i was thinking to myself, "hello, i dont have mom's like u guys who cares about how i looked when i dance, and heck, my mom or dad doesnt even care or even bother to see me perform". but then i showed up with a different colour other than blue on the day of the performance, and they were surprised. come to think of it, i really missed dancing. i mean dancing the way how i used to enjoy it so much, not that i dont enjoy it or anything, but u know everyone has dreams, like at one time, i wish i could go to ballet school. but i knew it was impossible coz i stopped ballet when i was 8 or 9 years old, but then i continued with gymnastics. i've always liked ballet. i liked the costume, the pink tutu! hehe. i liked dressing up in it and do my hair, put it in a bun and i especially loved my ballet shoes. its that smile and satisfaction on your face when u accomplished a move or a stretch. gymnastics was fun, but it was tough. we had to go for practices all the time, i even skipped tuition for months bcoz i was busy preparing for a competition. but it was the greatest moment of my life. (back then) just being independent for i think the second or third time. flew all the way to KK alone, when i was 11. and as usual, other kids mom would be there for them to support them thru the competition. they would lecture then, asked them to do splits and stretch while they eat or watch tv. i only went with my coach. i remember how she used to scream at me if i couldnt do the move right. she repeatedly asked me to do it until i got it right, i remember, my tears were all running down my cheeks and i was too afraid to say anything. i was young. she kinda threatened me not to tell my parents she made me cry. but im glad she did me this favour, she disciplined me. i loved those harsh practices we had at the hall and her house. my coach, my teacher, she's so beautiful and her body was amazing. i remember, how we used the sticks behind our back and we had to tiptoe under the hot sun for 5 minutes without moving. its called "balance". haha. i think she used to hit us with sticks too if we didnt do it right. but heck, it was fun with all that practice. performing there alone on that huge carpet, just when they announce ur name, u go out and bow, then start your routine. damn it was good. well, guess everythings all over but the memory still remains.. cheerleading was fun too, and u cant imagine how HARD it is for me to SMILE all the time. its really hard cheering and smiling at the same time. omg. but i learnt something out of cheerleading. miss it too.. ah, the musical drama my gang and i did during installation nite, Ashneet, Wen Kie, Joshua, Alice and me. thanks guys. thanks to you i could do it. it was pretty funny. haha. i just had to do it. had some pretty good times. now im into kickboxing. haha, kinda not like me eh? or maybe it is. Running.. those 100 metres or 400 metres. damn it i miss it. it feels so good running as fast as u can until ur throat goes cold and dry. damn nice feeling. I just wanna Thank God for making me experience these wonderful journeys and years of my life.